Job Creators: The New Oxymoron

This year has been a rough one financially for my family. There have been a number of factors that have been working at odds with our attempts to get out from under the rubble. First, we started off the year being covered by BCBS IL through my husband's employer. We had a deductible to meet and coinsurance. As of March first, the plan changed. My husband's company merged with a bigger company and we started being covered by Aetna. We had to start over with a brand new deductible. The plan had been sold to Brian's company as having a low deductible ($3000), so he was not allowed to continue to set money aside in a healthcare spending account. Upon closer inspection, however, we discovered that it's actually a $6000 family deductible. Each family member has to meet a deductible of $1000 before any medical costs would start to be applied to the family's deductible. Meanwhile, the coinsurance is higher with the new plan and the premiums are more. So we were no longer able to set aside money on a pre-tax basis and all of a sudden we had to come up with extra money out of our pockets.

Then, our computer went on the fritz. It is very difficult to function in a technological world without a computer. It's almost impossible to pay bills and do banking without one. It's also impossible to seek new employment without one. So there went more money.

Then, Jeremy was hospitalized for 4 days. The bills started pouring in pretty steady after that. I will say that Advocate Good Shepherd was fabulous. We were able to get some relief for some of the bills through their charity program. Unfortunately, other facilities have not been as understanding. Brian and I sat down and figured out that we had 13 (at the time) providers asking for money. I wrote them all a letter explaining that we had just gone bankrupt and were broke. We could send them $10 a month to show a good faith promise that we would pay. Unfortunately, as the months have gone by, the list of creditors has increased rather than decreased (due mostly to Doug's birth but also because of tests Brian has to have done to make sure the cancer has not come back).

So here we are. We are trying to be creative with our finances. I used some gift cards I received earlier in the year to buy groceries one week. I received a Kohl's gift card for Doug's birth that I will use to buy new sneakers for Jeremy. The one albatross around our neck continues to be our cell phones. I got an iPhone 3 years ago, back when we had just moved into our house, before Brian had been diagnosed with cancer and before the bottom fell out of the market. Brian got his iPhone almost 2 years ago. Last year, we were going to get a new phone for me (not an iPhone). The problem is, we only really pay $10 a month for me to be added onto the family plan through AT&T. It would have cost close to $200 to get out of the plan with AT&T last year, on top of the cost of buying new phones and accessories and paying the first month's (inflated) bill with a new carrier. We had cash flow issues that disallowed us from doing that.

So now, we are looking line by line to see what we can trim and we are stuck in this awful catch-22 with AT&T. I am no longer under contract--mine expired a year and half ago. But Brian's contract is not up with them until November 20th. In order to have the money to start anew with a different carrier, we need to save up cash, but we can't save up cash because we're paying so much for our cell phones. If I got a new phone with AT&T, then I would be in a new 2-year contract and we'd have to come up with the cash to buy a new phone and new accessories. We went last night to see if there's anything more we can trim from our bill, but we had already done that. So we have three more months of a bill that we can't afford that's making it impossible for us to get a plan that we can afford.

I wish I could say I'm handling all of these situations gracefully, but I'm not. I cried today in front of my kids, which I hate to do. I am frustrated that every single financial decision we make has to be agonized over. Brian and I talked three different times today at length about what to do with this cell phone mess. Bernie Madoff (and others like him) perpetrated this financial nightmare on millions of Americans like me. Yet we are calling his ilk "job creators." From where I'm sitting, that couldn't be further from the truth. I was watching a Law and Order: Criminal Intent today. The criminal was a Wall Street type who had set up a ponzi-esque scheme and then used his money and influence to try to cover it up (with a murder). I have seen this episode before, but today Vincent D'Onofrio's words hit home. It was the end of the episode and this man, who had perpetrated the murder (dressed in cuff links and a nice suit) was desperate to wriggle out of the charges. He was offering to name names of higher-ups. Vincent D'Onofrio said, "what they [the terrorists] did with weapons and ammunition, you did with money."

That's what makes me angry. We have spent billions of dollars fighting a war against the terrorists who attacked our country. Why are we continuing to allow people in our own country terrorize us? Why are we allowing them to continue in their lives as if nothing has happened? I can assure you, when Bernie Madoff gets out of jail (if he ever does), he will not have to agonize over what cell phone plan he can choose. The bankers who received bonuses even after we (the American taxpayers) bailed them out don't have to worry about how they're going to afford to throw their children birthday parties! There are 400 families in the US who hold 99% of the wealth. We outnumber them, and yet we cower because of this title we ascribe them. I, for one, am sick of it. I would love to know what kind of jobs they are truly creating because it seems like the major corporations are employing mostly Chinese workers and they're doing it for far below minimum wage. Meanwhile, we are begging and pleading with them to stay here, so we offer them subsidies on top of tax breaks. So their company is here in name, but it's not generating any revenue for our country.

I am sick to death of seeing the salaries of government workers in people's status updates on Facebook. I can assure you this country is not going broke because of what we pay our civil servants. And I don't enjoy how we call President Obama an elitist--he is actually much less wealthy than our previous president, has taken substantially less vacation time that President Bush and did not come into office with a surplus in the nation's budget. Is President Obama perfect? No, far from it. But this country is broken in a way that only bold initiatives can fix, and unfortunately we are so afraid of the "job creators" that no one is willing to be the one to take the first step in that direction.

This is by far my most rambling and disjointed blog entry and for that I apologize. I just feel like I need to shine a light on the things the press is glossing over. We are not in a recession; we are in a depression. It will most likely get worse before it gets better and getting better will never mean what it used to.

Milestones

Previously, on Mommyhood....

In our last episode, I was becoming impatient with my son, who was refusing to poop in the potty. I felt my fellow mothers were judging me and that my son would enter MIT still wearing diapers.

Today, we had major success!! After Jeremy had eaten breakfast, he told me he had to poop. He had already taken off his pajamas to pee, but he informed me that he needed some books to take with him. (Grandma has been working with him for a bit and was reading to him in the bathroom to convince him to sit on the potty.) I said, great. He wanted me to come with him, but I let him know I needed to finish my breakfast. Before I knew it, I heard him reading out loud to himself and then, "mommy, I did it! I made poopy in the potty!" I couldn't believe it, but it was true!!

I called Brian to relay the good news, but Jeremy was too embarrassed to talk to him about it. He also didn't want to share the news with his new preschool friend, Austin (or his mom). We went to the park after naps, though, to pass the time. The park we regularly visit has baseball fields there; today, there was softball practice. One of the girls was early and she was playing in the playground. Jeremy went right up to her and asked her what her name was. He followed her around the playground and then proudly informed her, while she was in the swings, that he went poopy in the potty. I am not even sure that she heard him, but I told Brian that it seemed like Jeremy was trying to convince this young lady of his maturity because of his new skill.

She left after a while to start practice; Jeremy ended up in the dugout at one point (with some of the other girls). I had to practically pull him out of there!! Then he proceeded to tell me that when he gets bigger, he's going to play baseball and people will stand up when he goes on the field. That was officially the first time he had ever talked about getting bigger or having any kind of dreams.

Quite a monumental day for my man! I am so proud of him because he is so friendly and outgoing with everyone! I am excited for him to start school and continue to develop his already amazing interpersonal skills. He's a great guy!!

Pre-sa-chool

Jeremy, Bekah, Doug and I went to see Jeremy's new preschool class today. Brian and I went last night to meet the teachers and be oriented. I am afraid I was initially more excited than my son, but today he made up for it. I am grateful for small miracles, too. We are still struggling with potty training. He has mastered the art of peeing in the toilet. He can take himself to the bathroom when he needs to and happily announces it to me all the time. However, he has not been able to poop in the potty. I have been agonizing over this inability for weeks. I have tried to coax him into it, I've tried to bribe him, I've tried yelling but nothing seems to convince him.

In talking about his potty-training progress with other people, I feel like I've fallen short. One of the aspects of motherhood that no one talks about is the constant, constant comparison game. I feel like every day is a performance review. When I meet new moms I am asking them questions and secretly grading myself--"okay, her son doesn't know what letter his name starts with, but Jeremy does," or "sheesh, her daughter can dress herself and Jeremy can't." It's exhausting mentally and emotionally and I have a sense it's only going to get worse. Potty-training is tougher for boys, that's the consensus, but in my own head it seems like Jeremy is struggling more than most.

In any case, I am taking Jeremy's inability to poop in the potty very personally. I am afraid to tell people that he can't do it and I feel ashamed. The logical part of my brain tells me to get over myself, that every child is different and goes at their own pace. There was a time I was afraid Jeremy's speech was delayed; now, I wish I had a mute button and have had to ask him for time-outs from questions (Jeremy, I'm begging you, please stop asking mommy questions for a few minutes).

So when we toured his preschool, we looked at one of the classrooms and it happened to have fish in it. Jeremy loves fish and I'm not sure why. He has always been fascinated with them. I used to take him to Meijer just so he could look at the fish. He was so excited when he saw the fish in his classroom. Then, last night, when I met the director, she told me that he would be in the young 3's classroom because he was still wearing a pull-up. I didn't realize that this would cause a problem until this morning.

We went to meet Mrs. Irwin, his teacher. I walked into the classroom we had toured a few weeks ago, but unfortunately that was not to be his classroom. Histrionics ensued in the hallway. We got into his classroom and he threw a fit again. Aha, I thought, this is the perfect chance to motivate him. I told him he couldn't be in that classroom because he didn't go poopy in the potty. I told him that when he was able to go poopy in the potty, he could go in that classroom.

Then, because I know God loves my son, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. When I turned my head, I saw it; a fish tank. I showed it to Jeremy, who immediately raced over to it. I know it seems inconsequential but it felt like I was being reassured that my son was in the right place. It felt God was telling me to stop obsessing about this particular milestone. Now I just wonder how long it will take him to be able to hold a pencil correctly....

Somalia

The following is a preview of an article I'm writing. I have become a (non-paid) contributor to the online magazine "Forum," the publication for the national organization Mothers and More. I was asked to write 250-500 words about any number of topics. This is what shook out from something that's been stuck in my craw over the past few weeks. I know I've been absent from blogging for a while, but now that I'm able to put Doug down a bit, I'm back. Please read and let me know what your thoughts are!

I am the mother of three children—Jeremy, 3, Rebekah, 2 and Douglas, 7 weeks. I have become accustomed to hearing loud noises outside my field of vision; most of them make me cringe. I hold my breath and wait because usually Jeremy will cry out, “I’m otay, Mommy.” He’s become accustomed to me asking “are you okay, Jeremy,” after hearing the loud noises. Three small children also isolate me from the world outside of Nick Jr. I was unaware of the tsunami in Japan because, as I informed my husband, they don’t interrupt Olivia for a special news break.

I have, however, been watching the news pretty carefully over the past few weeks. My dad sent me the link to an article about a mother in Somalia. At 29 years of age, she had to make what the Associated Press calls a “tortured choice.” She walked for two weeks from Somalia to Kenya with her 1-year-old on her back and her 4-year-old at her side. She was trying to escape her war-torn and famine-ravaged country, trying to take her children to a place where they could have food and water. Near the end of her journey, the article goes on to say, her 4-year-old son collapsed. She had very little water left and poured a little on his head, but he was unconscious. Those around her did not stop because they were also fighting to live. Seeing that he was not waking up, she left him on the side of the road so that she could carry her 1-year-old to safety.

I have been scanning the news stations on TV and the internet to see if there has been any other coverage. I have waited with bated breath, the same way I wait to hear my son say, “I’m otay.” I have waited to hear someone saying troops will be heading to Somalia to aid these poor women. I have heard nothing. I am 33 years old. Jeremy will be 4 years old in a few weeks. In my wildest dreams, I cannot fathom having to make a choice like that.

I read the article and my shoulders slumped; my family is strapped financially. We can’t pledge money to any causes helping those people. I am not in a position of influence per se. I visit a food pantry most months to help put food on my own table. I felt like there was nothing I could do, but see, I’m a mommy. I have the power to make wounds instantly heal. I can make myself disappear under blankets and reappear at will. Why can’t I see myself as my kids see me? I can contact my senator and congressmen. I can demand that they use our vast national resources to help my fellow mothers. If they don’t help, I can organize campaigns for candidates who will help. I can be the superhero my kids know I am.

I still cringe every night I don’t see any coverage of this story on the local or national news. I hope you will, too.