Jeremy, Bekah, Doug and I went to see Jeremy's new preschool class today. Brian and I went last night to meet the teachers and be oriented. I am afraid I was initially more excited than my son, but today he made up for it. I am grateful for small miracles, too. We are still struggling with potty training. He has mastered the art of peeing in the toilet. He can take himself to the bathroom when he needs to and happily announces it to me all the time. However, he has not been able to poop in the potty. I have been agonizing over this inability for weeks. I have tried to coax him into it, I've tried to bribe him, I've tried yelling but nothing seems to convince him.
In talking about his potty-training progress with other people, I feel like I've fallen short. One of the aspects of motherhood that no one talks about is the constant, constant comparison game. I feel like every day is a performance review. When I meet new moms I am asking them questions and secretly grading myself--"okay, her son doesn't know what letter his name starts with, but Jeremy does," or "sheesh, her daughter can dress herself and Jeremy can't." It's exhausting mentally and emotionally and I have a sense it's only going to get worse. Potty-training is tougher for boys, that's the consensus, but in my own head it seems like Jeremy is struggling more than most.
In any case, I am taking Jeremy's inability to poop in the potty very personally. I am afraid to tell people that he can't do it and I feel ashamed. The logical part of my brain tells me to get over myself, that every child is different and goes at their own pace. There was a time I was afraid Jeremy's speech was delayed; now, I wish I had a mute button and have had to ask him for time-outs from questions (Jeremy, I'm begging you, please stop asking mommy questions for a few minutes).
So when we toured his preschool, we looked at one of the classrooms and it happened to have fish in it. Jeremy loves fish and I'm not sure why. He has always been fascinated with them. I used to take him to Meijer just so he could look at the fish. He was so excited when he saw the fish in his classroom. Then, last night, when I met the director, she told me that he would be in the young 3's classroom because he was still wearing a pull-up. I didn't realize that this would cause a problem until this morning.
We went to meet Mrs. Irwin, his teacher. I walked into the classroom we had toured a few weeks ago, but unfortunately that was not to be his classroom. Histrionics ensued in the hallway. We got into his classroom and he threw a fit again. Aha, I thought, this is the perfect chance to motivate him. I told him he couldn't be in that classroom because he didn't go poopy in the potty. I told him that when he was able to go poopy in the potty, he could go in that classroom.
Then, because I know God loves my son, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. When I turned my head, I saw it; a fish tank. I showed it to Jeremy, who immediately raced over to it. I know it seems inconsequential but it felt like I was being reassured that my son was in the right place. It felt God was telling me to stop obsessing about this particular milestone. Now I just wonder how long it will take him to be able to hold a pencil correctly....
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