I intended to write something about my mom, but today has been exhausting and I never even got out of my pajamas. I will start by saying I've had two significant jobs post-college. First, I worked in a call center at a large benefits management company. I had never worked in a corporate environment before. I had several bosses, varying in attitude and amiability. I was the voice on the other end of the phone. Mostly, I hated it. The job, though, afforded me the ability to get out of a significant amount of irresponsible debt. It allowed me to learn how to act in an office. I gained a lot of experience from working there. I will, however, not ever work in a call center again.
My second significant job was at a retail store. I worked in the scrapbooking department stocking shelves and also manned the registers. I moved up from being a simple worker to the assistant manager. I only had a couple of bosses. The one who hired me was a smooth-talker, and, as it turned out, completely corrupt. He was fired shortly after I was hired. The next manager was quiet and kind and I enjoyed working with him. The people I worked with were slightly off. The customers were always right. I could write an entire blog about the crazy people we dealt with every day. I had one woman come in and return a candleholder. I asked her what was wrong with it. Very placidly she replied that it had broken. I looked up at her and asked her, "I'm sorry, you bought the candle, took it home and it broke, and so now you're coming in to return it?" "Yes," she replied, without even batting an eye. I told her I had to check with my manager before I could accept it for a return. I did, and he told me to allow it because he was afraid she would go home and write an angry letter to corporate about how we had mistreated her. My jaw dropped, but I very calmly went back to the front of the store and, as sweetly as I could muster, process her refund. That is an actual happening; there is no hyperbole in the retelling.
My current boss(es), though, do not hold a candle to the insanity of any of those. Consider that, for the first 15 months of his life Jeremy basically screamed, cried and grunted at me. It sometimes took me a half an hour to discern what it was that was bothering him. He had all sorts of crazy rules for things. All doors had to be closed, even if he was throwing a tantrum. He would literally stop throwing a tantrum, close the door and return to his tantrum. He didn't like anything touching his hands; for a while he carried around two blue Legos (the big ones) that he used to touch everything. I'm not exaggerating. He wasn't even keen on putting his hands in his birthday cake at his first birthday; it bothers him when they are dirty with anything.
In addition to screaming at me for what could last for hours, he pooped his pants (still does). Even when he did start talking, "on" could mean "off," all animals quacked and my dad wasn't allowed to put on his reading glasses. He had to be carried everywhere. His quirkiness has continued into toddlerhood. He asks the same question no less than 10 times; this could be asking me for pretzels for dinner or that I put him in his "bumbo" (his word for booster seat). He likes to watch the same episodes of shows over and over. Last week it was Sesame Street's "Veggies Revolt." This week, it's Sid the Science Kid's "Rainy Day Play Date." We have watched both no less than 30 times. If I use the olive oil and don't put it back in the same spot, he reminds me (repeatedly) until I put it back. He doesn't like any of his food to touch, so he has everything in bowls. We have these little plastic bowls and he can have up to 6 of them in front of him for any meal. He will still only really eat finger food so usually the bowls are filled with pretzels, apple slices, orange slices, grapes, bunny crackers and strawberries. I have to fight to get him to eat any kind of meat product, so normally it's a few torn-up pieces of Oscar Meyer turkey lunch meat. He has started to ask for a fork when he has waffles in the morning.
He must always eat breakfast (really, all meals are breakfast) on his "lion plate." It's a kids' plate with a lion on it. He dictates that his sister gets the ballerina plate. He will frequently ask for me to make him waffles, put on Sid, get him some milk, push him in and get him a fork all at the same time. If I have given him milk but still haven't fulfilled his other requests, he will nag me until they are all complete (all the while, his sister has started making demands of her own and the dogs are antsy to be let outside). He doesn't have an inside voice, so he will shush himself when I tell him he needs to be quiet and then talk again in a normal voice. He is bossy and domineering of me, Brian and Bekah.
The worst part is, I can't escape. There were many times at the retail establishment I would escape to the stockroom (employees only, the door said) to vent about the crazy customers. I had a guy once ask me if we sold kites. I told him we didn't. He didn't believe me, so I called my bosses--they assured me we didn't sell kites. I relayed this information to him only to have him say, "well, if you did carry kites, where would they be?" Nowadays, if I am at my limit at the number of times I've heard "mommy" in any given hour, there is nowhere to go. I have not gone to the bathroom by myself for several years (before Jeremy, Scout and Rascal were my bathroom companions). I can't go upstairs by myself; Jeremy will stand at the bottom of the stairs and ask when I am coming down and Bekah will just fling herself down and cry. This goes on for a quick trip upstairs to retrieve a sock or if I need to brush my teeth and get dressed.
I am not allowed to make phone calls during business hours. Bekah tends to hear me talking on the phone from two rooms away. She will walk over to me, pull herself up on my lap and either pull the phone away from my ear or chatter away, making conversation impossible. Jeremy, on the other hand, stands in front of me and starts making demands for milk or a meal or something infinitely more trivial. No amount of "mommy will be off the phone in a minute" grants me a reprieve. I am not even allowed to fire off an e-mail. If it appears as if I am spending too much time on my iPhone, Bekah will pull herself up on my lap and ask to see the baby (pictures of herself and Jeremy). Jeremy, on the other hand, hijacks it to take random pictures of household items and to play "noises" on Sleep Machine.
Today was no different from any other day. There were several times I would have liked to sent both of them outside, if it weren't for the cold and our poop-laden backyard. Bekah is not feeling well and has developed a set of toddler rules that is strikingly similar to Jeremy's. This puts them at constant odds because if they both lay eyes on a toy at the same time, they both feel they have the right to play with it. Even more, if Jeremy is playing with a toy and Bekah wants it, she throws herself on the ground and protests the injustice of a system whereby a person can't telepathically reserve a toy moments before her brother has grabbed it.
But today was very grey. There was no sunshine, no Bible study to break up the morning and unleash them on other adults for a couple of hours. I had no adult interaction. I had to save Bekah from her brother, who decided he would try to put her Dora toddler bed on top of her during naptime. It was a very lonely day and I felt frustrated that the impetus to motivate Jeremy still eludes me. He looks at me with red-rimmed eyes (replete with dark circles) and tells me he's not tired, even if he's crying over everything and grumpy with his sister. So I put them to bed tonight, stole away to the office and cried for a few minutes. It's maddening to work somewhere as a captive, with nowhere to go and no AFL/CIO help me argue against unfair labor practices. To top it off, I ran to the grocery store, pulled into my spot, turned of the van and realized my wallet was on the counter at home.
The redemption? Jeremy is also the sweetest boss for which I have worked. He will frequently yell out "mommy, mommy, mommy" and when I answer him (with a slightly exasperated tone), he will yell back "I love you." He enters preschool and says hello to everyone he sees. He walked into my in-law's house and said, "I'm Jeremy and this is Betta." (He doesn't do the hard k or c sound yet.) I caught him yesterday trying to zip his sister's coat up all the way. When she is upset, his voice goes into comforting mode and he tells her, "it's otay, Betta." I caught them holding hands in the backseat (both seated in their carseats). He and I play a game where I smother him with kisses and then he wipes them off, only to have me smother him again. He loves all animals and tries to remind Bekah when we go to the petting zoo that she shouldn't put her fingers in the chicken pen (she does it every time and they peck her every time).
Tomorrow is another day. Jeremy will go to preschool (hallelujah) and so Bekah and I will have some time to ourselves, to snuggle or watch something other than Sid. I get to go out tomorrow night, even if I'll be going someplace I don't want to be. I have food in the house, now, so I won't eat almost an entire medium-sized pizza by myself. I don't have to stress about caffeine; my fridge is stocked with Diet Coke. I am grateful the kids are asleep, the house is cleaner than it was at dinnertime and the laundry is not sitting in the washer getting moldy. Working here has taught me to lower my expectations and be adaptable; how can I argue when Bekah demands I lie down in the bed with her and snuggle under a blanket? I figure the laundry is at least clean, so even if it takes a few days for it to reach its intended destination it's not a big deal. Dinner is eggs again? Eh, at least there's protein in eggs and it won't require a lot of clean-up. Sid again? Okay, maybe then I can wipe down the counters while they're occupied.
The pay sucks, there's no benefits package, no vacation time, no yearly raises and I have to deal with an emotionally unstable boss everyday. Still, of the three jobs I've had, this one easily rates number one.
I wonder what I'll write about next....
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